FAITH!

WOW. This has been a very life changing week, for me and my brother and family. It goes to show how fast things can happen and how you have to learn to deal with it. I've learnt to have faith in god, because it's the best thing out there that really matters for me.
Lately i have been in such a rocky place with myself. It's just very hard. My whole summer was a huge distraction because of RENT and everything, and has now left me very spiritually dry.
It puts me in a place of frustration and guilt, but i know everything happens for a reason. God is very important to me, and no one will ever take that away from me. Lot's of people know that i have strong faith, but no one really knows my relationship I have with him, and i never wanna lose that, ever!
We all have our up's and downs, but for me I've been on a roller-coaster and sometimes i don't like the things that happen. I wanna make the right choices, because I want to please God, but sometimes i take god out of the picture and just do what i want. Sometimes i think i shouldn't feel bad for things i do, because theres nothing wrong with it, but that's when i take god out of the picture, and i don't want that to happen anymore.
I need to stay strong, because I can't live on both sides.
Im not gonna be guilty of anything that's happened or anything, because im not one to stick with the past. I like the present, and future.... and i hope everything goes well.
Im not going to be ashamed of what I believe in, not that i was before, but i never talked about it much, or stood up for it when people dissed it. I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE, IM SICK AND TIRED OF IT. I will be me!! ME!!! And im gonna live my life fully for god! And it's how I've always been, but not always shown on the outside.
Couple of my friends have help me realize a bit more of who i am, and it really played a toll on me, and woke me up. You know who you are.....

Im been preparing for my Missions trip to Malta/North Africa for a while now, but im now getting down to the crunch and getting worried. I need to start connecting more with my church, and getting some money, but i have had distractions all over so it's been hard to focus. God wants me there, and i shouldn't worry, but i just need some more help, it's hard to do it on my own... but it will happen, i hope.

I am very glad that im not going directly in to school, because i wouldn't be ready too. I think doing what im doing this year will change my outlook on things, and really paint the picture to as where i will go for the rest of my life.

• OH, and a chad update. He has started Chemo, his second day. But i really feel god will heal him, or already in the process. He has so many people praying for him that care and want him to be better. KEEP PRAYING.